长期以来，很多学有所长的考生在数学、物理、化学等一系列理科类奥林匹克竞赛中脱颖而出，为自己实现大学梦奠定了基础。然而，文科方面的选拔特殊人才的活动却寥寥无几。英语作为世界性语言，它的重要性已经深入到各个领域，良好的英语素质也是高中生自我发展的一个重要条件。因此，为了给英语素质良好的同学提供一个检验自我、向高校展示才能的机会，本刊与北大、清华、人大等数十所名校联合举办了“全国创新英语作文大赛”。

        从2003年1月到现在，大赛共举行了四届。2005年高考录取期间，31名第三届大赛的优胜者顺利享受到了当届大赛参与高校提出的录取优惠条件，跨入了他们心仪已久的名校之门（名单详见本刊2005年第10期）。经统计，到目前为止大赛共为高校推荐了371名优胜者，有两届优胜者享受了大赛参与高校不同的录取优惠条件，录取人数为优胜者总数的21.3％。

        在第三届大赛中，共有北京大学、清华大学、中国人民大学、中国政法大学、北京师范大学、北京化工大学、北京林业大学、北京航空航天大学、北京邮电大学、天津大学、南开大学、哈尔滨工业大学、东北师范大学、吉林大学、大连理工大学、中国海洋大学、南京大学、中国药科大学、东南大学、浙江大学、河海大学、江南大学、武汉大学、湖南大学、华中师范大学、厦门大学、中山大学、上海交通大学、华南理工大学、西南师范大学、西南农业大学（当时尚未合并）、西南交通大学、西南财经大学、电子科技大学、西北农林科技大学、合肥工业大学等36所高校参与。（目前，第四届大赛的初赛和复赛都已经圆满结束，100多位同学荣登“优胜榜”，他们将在2006年的高考录取中根据其填报志愿的情况享受到参与高校承诺的录取优惠条件。）

        大赛分为初赛和复赛两个阶段。初赛时间为每年3-6月期间，复赛在当年暑假期间举行。详情请关注本刊相关内容或咨询本刊专题部，电话：028-86654294。

        在大赛中，吸引我们的不仅是为梦想而努力拼搏的学子，还有他们文采斐然的作品。从本期开始，我们将选登一部分第三届大赛的优胜作文，并由名校英语老师进行实用性的订正和点评，佳文共赏之。

 

    题目：Writing
Directions:write a composition of 300 words within an hour according to the following graph. Your composition should cover the following points:

A.Difference in annual income between teachers and businessmen;

B.Difference in annual income between inland cities and coastal cities;

C.These differences greatly influence people’s choice of profession and home;

D.It’s economic interest that counts.

 

Note:
1.＄ refers to US dollars.

2.□ refers to teachers.

3.■ refers to businessmen.

4.The above graph is a contrast of annual income between teachers and businessmen in the early 90s’ China.

注：文中作者笔误或错写的单词均作斜体处理。

 

 

        “Hey, guys! I’m moving to Shanhai next month!” A friend of mine suddenly turned up in front of us, shouting with fully⑴ joy. Most of us felt adored and even a little jealous of the lucky man. “I’m going to be a great businessman in⑵ future!” It seemed that he was really looking forward to his bright future, being away from his hometown—Yancheng. When everybody was congratulating him on his luckiness, I was totally falling into ponder.

        Why the hell do people prefer to live in coastal cities like Shanghai? And why would people rather become a businessman but not the other professions, for example, a teacher⑶? I couldn’t solve all the puzzles above until my uncle returned from Shenzhen.

    When I listed out all my questions to him, my uncle smiled sweetly, padding my shoulder softly, “It’s not such a difficult problem. All that you have asked is just a common phenomenom nowadays. Do you know the difference between annual income⑷ in coastal cities and inland cities and⑸ the gap between annual income of businessmen and teachers? Let me tell you. Both the formers gain twice as much as the latters annually. If you were a job seeker, where and what job would you choose?” I didn’t answer it, since the reply was so apparent. My uncle continued, “Everybody would like to earn more money to lead an easy life⑹. Since the businessmen of coastal cities will satisfy their requests⑺, they’d be content to get that work.”

        Sounds⑻ incredibly right. “But if this continues, won’t the economic⑼ of our country turn unbalanced.⑽” I suddenly asked. My uncle laughed, “It’s none of our business! But I think it’s high time that the government changed the direction of economic investments. Because it’s economic interest that counts.”

        作者：丁加，原江苏省苏州市苏州中学高三10班学生

        订正

        ⑴介词结构with fully joy中，joy是名词，需用形容词修饰，建议用proud，表示“得意洋洋”。

        ⑵in future指今后、往后，而in the future才表示将来。

        ⑶你可以说become a businessman，但不能说become the other professions。建议改为Why would people rather choose business than other professions, for example, teaching?

        ⑷annual income前加定冠词the。

        ⑸一般疑问句中并列连词and改为or。

        ⑹Everybody would like to earn more money to lead an easy life，建议将easy用比较级表示，从而对应前面的earn more money。

        ⑺表述错误，改为Since doing business in coastal cities will…

        ⑻时态错误，应为Sounded。

        ⑼“经济”的名词形式为economy。

        ⑽此处应用问号。

        点评

        这是一篇极富个性的好文章。首先，作者从自己亲身经历的角度来构思全文，具有情境感，这种写法也易于读者接受其观点；另外，分析问题时，作者自己主动提问，想从家长那里得到解释和分析，以叔叔的口吻说出作者的真实意图是个很聪明的手法，更增加了说服力。作者能用这种特别的方式清楚明了地阐述观点，主要在于语言基础较好。

好的语言把握具体表现为句间的衔接缜密，逻辑顺序严密，词汇和句子使用正确贴切；不足之处在于直接引语中出现过于口语化的错误省略和较为随意的搭配，如能注意把活泼的形式与严谨的语言恰当地结合起来，本文感染力会更强。（北大附中 徐宏）

 

 

        China has entered a completely new stage in his history. People have just acrossed⑴ the threshold of the 21st century and the curtain of the new millenium is slowly rising. With the speedy growth of China as well as the people’s living standard, the rhythm of people’s life is speeding up⑵. At the same time, the different income⑶ arises between different walks of jobs⑷ and different areas.

        As is clearly shown in the graph, teachers’ income each year is about 3000 of⑸ US dollars in inland countries while in the coast it add⑹ up to 6000. The second information you⑺ can get is the income of businessman⑻, their averages are higher than the teachers’⑼. You can easily know the inland cities it’s 6000 while in the coastal ones, it rises to 12000.⑽ This situation has resulted in different living conditions, different characters and different interests of things. Occasionally, their different annual income can make a heated debate, then teacher may feel a little angry because of the low income. The most serious problem is that it may causes⑾ great changes in employment and⑿ the countries in inland will be in lack of teachers and more employees will rush to the abroad⒀.

        Confranted with the different income, people soon found themselves living in an altered society which call for not only knowledge and skills but also their ajustment to this changing society. So they will try every means to strengthen their ability to join in the society filled with competions⒁, also⒂ they will make considered choices towards a bright respect⒃.

        There’s no denying that the government should take some active and effective measures to change this phenomenon. Only in this way, can the youngsters receive a good education and the country escept⒄ an encouraging tomorrow. All in all, if the government and the whole society really realize the problem, lend a hand to it and more attenation paid on it⒅, it’s no⒆ long before the arrival of a better respect of the speedy world.

        作者：丁会展，原河南省新密市第一高级中学316班学生

        订正

        ⑴across只有介词和副词的词性，此句动词应为crossed。

        ⑵此句用词不太准确，表达不很清楚。一般不说growth of living standard。此外，rhythm意为“韵律、节拍”，表达“生活节奏”时，应用tempo。此句建议改为With the rapid development of China and the improvement of people’s living standards, the tempo of people’s life is also speeding up。

        ⑶表述有误，“收入差别”的主语形式为income difference。

        ⑷作者想用固定搭配表示“各行各业”，正确的是walks of life，而没有必要用different walks of jobs。

        ⑸介词of多余。

        ⑹根据主谓一致原则，add改为adds。

        ⑺人称代词使用不当，you改为we才符合上下文。

        ⑻businessman如与后面的their搭配就得改成复数。

        ⑼该句错在将两个有独立主谓结构的句子，在没有任何连词的情况下用逗号连接；建议与下一句整理为一体。

        ⑽接上句，整理为The second information we can get is that the income of businessmen, which is much higher than that of teachers, averages 6000 in inland cities while in coastal cities, the figure rises to 12000。采用表语从句和定语从句使意思表达得更紧凑清楚。

        ⑾情态动词后面用动词原形cause。

        ⑿and连接的两部分之间是总体与举例的关系，所以可将and换为say，引出例子。

        ⒀根据句意，劳动力涌向沿海城市coastal areas，而不是涌向国外abroad。

        ⒁competition常用作总称词，没必要加s。

        ⒂also前应加上连接词and。

        ⒃表达前景的名词是prospect或future。

        ⒄escept是个错误拼写词，根据作者的上下文表述，此处应为expect(be ready to have) an encouraging tomorrow。

        ⒅为保持结构平衡，做以下修改：…realize the problem, lend a hand to it and pay more attention to it, …

        ⒆含有before引导的时间状语从句，应该用It is not long before…

        点评

        从本篇的行文中，可看出作者很注重写作的文采，运用了比喻、排比、比较等生动的表现手法。本文的另一主要优点是能对已经提出的问题进行较为深入的分析，思路较广，思想有深度，通过归纳推理，逐层展开。而且在有限的时间内作者完成了较长篇幅的作品，说明其语言积累很充实。

        但有一处失误较为严重：文章标题没能全面地概括文章大意。文章通过主题句较清楚地阐明了不同行业、不同地区人们的收入不同，但标题只涉及到了其中的一个方面，就只是不同行业从业人员的收入有差别。其次，在语言表达方面，作者需要多下工夫，夯实基础知识和技巧，避免基础性错误。（北大附中 徐宏）